Funny Jokes And Quotes Biography
Source (google.com.pk)
Quotes tagged as "jokes" (showing 1-30 of 80)
Marilyn Monroe
“I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”
― Marilyn Monroe
tags: appearance, jokes, marilyn-monroe 2428 likes like
Dave Barry
“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
― Dave Barry
tags: funny, humour, jokes 472 likes like
Douglas Adams
“What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water!”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
tags: drunk, humour, jokes 232 likes like
Amy Sedaris
“Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence
tags: dates, jokes, relationships, romance 115 likes like
Tamora Pierce
“I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man.”
― Tamora Pierce, Squire
tags: humor, jokes, kel, raoul 107 likes like
John Flanagan
“Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?'
'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes.”
― John Flanagan, The Emperor of Nihon-Ja
tags: humor, jokes, ranger-s-apprentice 87 likes like
Friedrich Nietzsche
“A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
tags: humor, humour, jokes 75 likes like
Criss Jami
“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami
tags: be-yourself, being-yourself, clever, differences, everyone, funny, funny-but-true, humor, ignorance, jokes, laughter, opinions, sense-of-humor, similarities, stupidity, witty 71 likes like
Aristotle
“The gods too are fond of a joke.”
― Aristotle
tags: god, humor, jokes, religion 46 likes like
John Cheever
“Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful machines. This makes us the greatest country in the world. Unemployment is a myth. Dissatisfaction is a fable. In preparatory school America is beautiful. It is the gem of the ocean and it is too bad. It is bad because people believe it all. Because they become indifferent. Because they marry and reproduce and vote and they know nothing.”
― John Cheever
tags: america, delusions, dissatisfaction, fables, indifference, jokes, life, marriage, prosperity, unemployment 32 likes like
John Green
“Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?' And the guy says, 'Whaddya got?' And the bartender says, 'I don't know what I got, but I know what you got: Stage IV melanoma.”
― John Green, Let it Snow
tags: cancer, jokes 31 likes like
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.”
― Arnold H. Glasgow
tags: arnold-h-glasgow, friends, jokes, loyal, sympathizes 28 likes like
Jim Benton
“Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.”
― Jim Benton
tags: fun, jokes 27 likes like
Rachel Maddow
“Sarah Palin uses me as a laugh line in her stump speeches. If you're willing to turn me into a joke, you should also be willing to talk to me.”
― Rachel Maddow
tags: jokes, sarah-palin, stump-speech-politics 22 likes like
Noel Fielding
“I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.”
― Noel Fielding
tags: humor, jokes 20 likes like
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
“A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.”
― Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, The Waste Books
tags: character, jokes, weaknesses 20 likes like
George Eliot
“Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The best thing that can be said of it is, that it is a sign of the intellectual narrowness—in plain English, the stupidity which is still the average mark of our culture.”
― George Eliot
tags: antisemitism, bigotry, harriet-beecher-stowe, jokes, stupidity 17 likes like
Tao Lin
“It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely else–pity or entertainment, or stand-up comedy.”
― Tao Lin, Bed: Stories
tags: jokes, love, relationships 13 likes like
Lewis Carroll
“What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.”
― Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There
tags: children, funny, jokes, meaning, trying 11 likes like
Eric Edstrom
“Breyona didn’t have to force a laugh. “Fellowship? Who do you think you are? Freedo the hobbit?”
“It’s Frodo,” he said over his shoulder. “And if I was a character from L.O.T.R., I’d obviously by Strider.” Shaking his head, he continued down the trail, mumbling obscenities.
“What is L.O.T.R.?” Shiv asked. “Who is this Freedo?”
Both questions brought exasperated sighs from Bronson. “It stands for Lord of the Rings. Don’t you ever see any movies?”
“Weren’t they books before they were movies?” Em asked.
“They wrote them after,” Bronson said.
Breyona winked at Danny. “That Freedo was hot,” she said loud enough for Bronson to hear. “Even with those dumb-ass furry feet, he’s my kind of cute.”
Bronson threw his hands up. “Frodo. It’s Frodo. And he’s not hot!”
― Eric Edstrom, Undermountain
tags: jokes, lotr, teens 10 likes like
John Steinbeck
“Casy said, "Ol' Tom's house can't be more'n a mile from here. Ain't she over that third rise?"
Sure," said Joad. "Less somebody stole it, like Pa stole it."
Your pa stole it?"
Sure, got it a mile an' a half east of here an' drug it. Was a family livin' there, an' they moved away. Grampa an' Pa an' my brother Noah like to took the whole house, but she wouldn't come. They only got part of her. That's why she looks so funny on one end. They cut her in two an' drug her over with twelve head of horses and two mules. They was goin' back for the other half an' stick her together again, but before they got there Wink Manley come with his boys and stole the other half. Pa an' Grampa was pretty sore, but a little later them an' Wink got drunk together an' laughed their heads off about it. Wink, he says his house is a stud, an' if we'll bring our'n over an' breed 'em we'll maybe get a litter of crap houses. Wink was a great ol' fella when he was drunk. After that him an' Pa an' Grampa was friends. Got drunk together ever' chance they got.”
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