Random Funny Quotes Biography
Source (google.com.pk)
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Of course I'm in shape. Isn't Round a shape?
Time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana.
I am not short, I just don't have to bend down as far.
A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation.
Consciousness- that annoying time between naps.
May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
What is originality? Undetected plagiarism.
Everyone has the power to make others happy. Some do it by entering the room, others by leaving it.
Take my advice, I’m not using it.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
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Inspirational Quotes
All it takes is all you got.
Tough times don't last but tough people do.
Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity.
The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift.
Success comes before work only in the dictionary.
Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.
You have failed only when you have failed to try.
Pain is temporary, pride is forever!
Pain is only weakness leaving the body.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
You can fight without ever winning, but never ever, win without a fight.
Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is.
Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.
Nothing of any importance can be taught. It can only be learned with blood and sweat.
Life is about feeling someone pushing from behind and realizing that it's you.
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.
You will have the rest of your life to remember. But what you have to remember depends on what you do today.
To achieve all that is possible, we must attempt the impossible. To be as much as we can be we must dream of being more.
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
If you add a little to a little and do this often, soon that little will become great.
With sports, you can be involved or committed. Just like the ham and eggs; the chicken was involved, but the pig was committed. You have to be the pig.
The time to make friends, is before you need them.
The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
Good physical condition not only adds years to your life, but life to your years.
You should have education enough so that you won't have to look up to people; and then more education so that you will be wise enough not to look down on people.
Everyone you meet knows something you don't know but need to know. Learn from them.
You are either getting better of getting worse.
Perfection comes from experiences; experiences come from mistakes.
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Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
South Carolina. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
How do you know when you are staying in a SC hotel?
When you call the front desk and say " I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in SC to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, " How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
How can you tell if a SC redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
Life's lesson number one
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing at all. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson number two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson number three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate the sound. The cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
The morals of this story are:
1. Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. And when you are in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut.
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Did You Know?!
Coca-Cola was originally green
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death
A duck's quack does not echo and do one knows why
City with most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
State with the highest % of people who walk to work: Alaska
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium size dog to the age of 11 is $6600
Number of people airborne over the US at any given time: 61,000
Intelligent people have more copper and zinc in their hair
The youngest pope was 11 years old
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other country
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet and was developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches
You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork that by a poisonous spider.
Right handed people live, on the average, nine years longer that left handed people.
In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their body, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left-handed.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish ranked # 1 for animals having the most taste buds.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Kids Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids
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